It was a good first Friday for the two Hoodslammers featured in this article.

Cereal Man became the number one contender for Pissed Off Nerdy Gamer’s Golden Gig.

And, after the New U handed The CAUTION (Caution!) their first-ever defeat when all three thirds are in a match, Coach Joey Nuggs and “Brutal” Rob Hands handed the Best Athlete in the East Bay Golden Fannypacks to Pizza Cat (formerly Shotzi Blackheart).

Never underestimate the power of a balanced breakfast. Or, the power of pizza.

Fight Booth dives deeper…

“Will Work For Food!” Five Wrestlers with Food Based Gimmicks You Will Love

#Hoodslam

The official notice has been given…

Ambassador to the Galaxy Drucilla, along with Troof & Conundrum arrived in Hoodslam June 2016 with a simple task – to retrieve the Intergalactic Tag Team Champions. The tag champions HAD traveled to Hoodslam – albeit 5 years ago in late 2011 when they confronted a budding genesplicer named Doc Atrocity and his companion Zombie Vinny Butabi; This would be the untimely demise of the former Intergalactic Tag Team Champions.

Drucilla demanded new champions be crowned, and a tournament was hastily arranged. 10 teams would be put into two groups of 5. The groups battled in Round Robin competition, and whoever could get the most wins within their group would fight the winner of the other group.  The winner of that would be the new Intergalactic Tag Team Champions.

Not many asked questions, and the Top of the SkyDreamers Miracle eXstacy Cup returned: This time Double Chaos Redondo of Blood.  Block A had The Caution, New U, James and Juice Lee, West Side Playas 2099 and winners Ryu and Ken. Block 1 had Doc Atrocity and Brittany Wonder, The Knights of the Roxbury, Aliens Troof and Conundrum, The Stoner Brothers and winners El Chupacabra and Virgil Flynn III.

El Chupacabra and Virgil Flynn III would win the entire tournament and claim the vacant championship, but only now could the real battle begin.

It was revealed that the tournament- and more specifically the Champions – had a purpose. Ambassador Drucilla explained that the Champions, and generations of champions before that, stood as a last defense against an ancient destroyer – The Walking Phoenix.

The Walking Phoenix: immortal, immune to weaponry, immune to persuasion, capable of controlling minds and matter. A moving doomsday device, neither good nor evil, driven by consumption.  Unfathomable, it’s trajectory pointed to Earth.  And so, for the first time ever, the chosen guardians of our reality will face their destiny, and global damnation in The Walking Phoenix.

What began as a tournament may have instead been a going away party.

January 6th, Hoodslam “FIN”

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/hoodslam-presents-fin-tickets-30019775958

Are you?

Holy Throwback Slam fans! Our full event Hoodslammery Page just uploaded our 5th event ever! That’s like 97 or so odd events ago! For 1.99 a month you can watch IT and ALL OTHER HOODSLAM, even LIVE STREAM! If you’ve got something better to spend less than 2 bucks on this month, Jump on it – And tell us about it!  As far as we know, taint a better deal on planet earf.

A long time ago, on a night not unlike this, Hoodslam was a humble little party in an Oakland Warehouse, free to anyone with an adventurous spirit. Except fucking kids. Anyway, Juice Lee – who currently is mending a broken arm thanks to the Caution (CAUTION) – saw himself defending Hoodslam from invaders in the first annual HoodFigher Tournament. Here is his first round mystery opponent. [Oops, spoiler!]

(Not every title is poetry) – A throwback to 2012, on this mighty solstice we offer to you this treat: Zangev and Blanka take on Bat-Shelly Martinez and Super Gal Amber O Neal! Also, featuring Danielle Martinez, Kevin Gill and Broseph J on commentary, and Cammy and Cammy’s ass (who may still have a Facebook page, who can keep up?[you]).

Miss all the action from first friday? Too Frugal for our 1.99 Hoodslammery YouTube channel with all our full events? Do you do it all and JUST WANT MORE? Lucky all of you, here’s the pill version of our whole tournament for easy consumption. Thanks, Mark Johnston, for your tireless slow motion labor.

Tomorrow is the big day! One of the oldest traditions in Hoodslam lore, winners since 2010 include: Juice Lee, Ryu, Virgil Flynn III, Batmanuel, Link (now known as the Baron of Butt stuff Anton Voorhees), and current Golden Gig Champion PONG!  All have gone on to Championship glory – with the exception of the dark noche Batmanuel, who had his arm broken by the CAUTION last July after becoming number one contender to the Golden Gig.

Nurse Ratchet: Not much is known of Nurse Ratchet. This haunting character doesn’t speak, and barely communicates. However, we are aware that when she pulls out her set of Nurse tools that shit gets ugly. Also clear is that she doesn’t feel pain like normal people.  Her disadvantages are that she doesn’t seem technically sound, and is easily distracted. At times it appears she’s not even aware a match is going on. Nor, though, does she appear to fatigue, a clear advantage when potentially fighting three opponents.  That, and she’s creepy as shit.

Joey Ryan: The King of Dong Style, bringing sleazy back to wrestling, it’s the Hoodslam return of Joey Ryan! This international superstar made waves in the wrestling world all the way to SportsCenter when he debuted his “U-Porn Plex” in Japan last year. After suplexing a dude with the strength of his own penis people really started paying attention. Underneath the baby oil and beyond the blow pops is a carefully hidden fighter who capitalizes on opportunities and is tougher than he wants his opponents to think. Generally an Intergender fighter, he’ll have to break from tradition and beat another man somewhere if he wants to win all three matches.

Participants have traveled from across the globe – and from beyond – to perform in the HoodFigher Tournament since 2010.  The inaugural champion was Juice Lee, defeating Santa, Sagat, Guile and surprise final entrant Sheng Long to have the chance of calling himself first ever Tournament Champion.

Drugz Bunny: The rabbit with a habit, from a left turn at Albuquerque, Drugz Bunny! Fan favorite of Oakland, the nation and the stars; the Bunny Club grows at a staggering rare! After spending 17 months as Golden Gig Champion, he finally relinquished the title under dubious circumstances after being pinned by 3 opponents at once last August. In October, he drew number one in the 30 Entity Rumble for the Gig, and almost won it nonetheless. Now back in the hunt, Drugz aims to prove he’s still the dominant force in Hoodslam by defeating 3 opponents in one night.

Brian Cage: Known as “The Machine” around the globe, Cage is the destroyer of Legends. Tearing through the likes of Alberto Del Rio, Rey Mysterio Jr and pretty much any indy internet darling you can think of, Cage is as imposing as they come.  He’s toured everywhere, been everywhere, worked everywhere BUT he’s no Hoodslam and wagon jumper, nor are we late for the Cage train; he’s CA family, and even performed at Hoodslam 2 at the Victory Warehouse in 2010.  No stranger to our strange land, Brian Cage looks to continue his complete dominance of wrestling by winning the accolade of Tournament Champion, all the while dazzling the crowd by living up to his mantra “GMSI” – “get my shit in”.