We’ve got new Tag Team Champions in the EMO Heads! Brooke Havok and Daniel-Torch have defeated the Lost Treasures and are now the protectors of the galaxy.
The EMO Heads celebrating their win
Our current Best Athlete in the East Bay Golden Fannypack Champion is now also our Number One Contender for the Golden GiG after winning the Royal Rumble of Ranking Ramifications! Vipress has been in possession of the Golden GiG after reclaiming it for Hoodslam from the fallen angel Shemyhaza. On 11/3, her reign officially begins.
Anton Voorhees is now a member of the BOOM Gang! As per stipulation of their match against The CAUTION, whoever was pinned at FTF would join the other group. Though, the CAUTION was able to drown and electrify James C, it was still the Link to the Future who suffered the pinfall after trying to diffuse an argument between his partners DARK Sheik and Vipress.
MAKI FUCKING ITOH returns to HOODSLAM for a special SATURDAY 11/18 PRESENTATION, known as “hoodslam /red/”. How is it related to our “hoodslam /blue/” event from August? We’re not sure yet. We just booked Maki and made the flyer.
GLAM returns 10/27 in Reno! After over a year hiatus, who’s ready for some Guilty Lethal Acton Mayhem? Featuring Black Swan, Mighty Mayra, Lara Frazier, AMIRA, Lilith Grimm, Brittany Wonder, Brittnie Brookes, Brooke Havok,the Stoner Brothers, El Chupacabra and more people not on this flyer.
FTF has ended, and with it another chapter in the accidental phenomenons year of our GiG 2023. FTFallout as it wreaks chaos on the strained relations between Hoodslammers, and the factions left in disarray.
A challenger is set for Golden GiG on 11/3. How will they and currently She Who Holds the Golden GiG Vipress cross paths?
The CAUTION and Boom Gang faced off in a match where the person pinned joins the other faction at FTF. Aurora Obscura, we see the ramifications.
After the collision that was Jaguar Montoya taking on Cereal Man with referee Joey Gonzo, will there be anything left of the New F’n Dawgz?
And now that the Lost Treasures [Matt Carlos, Joe DeSoul and Lara Frazier] no longer hold the fate of Hoodslam in their hands, how will they proceed? And will the roster forgive them for their moment of control and what they did with it?
Aurora Obscura, an unclear dawn… a dark beginning… and the first stop on the road to Entertania 13!
~~
The first match announced is a never before seen match up! Straight from the Baldurs Gate 3 meme, its…
“Mastermold, Motherbrain, IronSlut” DARK Sheik v “Matriarch of Mayhem // Not Your Babe” Sawyer Wreck
The event will be hosted and commentated by Veda Scott and Broseph Joe Brody!
A match to determine a number one contender for the Best Athlete in the EastBay Double Golden Fannypacks Award Championship, participants to be announced on @hoodslam socials/birdswillfall.com
If they survive hoodslam until then, featuring performers from:
Anton Voorhees
da Squaad: Kenny K, Hop Daddy
The Stoner Brothers
EMO HEADS: Brooke Havok, Brutal Emo Rob Hands, D-Torch
It’s been a difficult path to the 11th annual Fuck the Fans [our apologies to 2020 and 2021]. The first one took place on 10/10/2010 and was seen as the turning point in this humble companys existence. It was on this day that we realized what it truly meant to Fuck the Fans.
Traditionally, the winner of August Battle Royal of Supremacy would gain booking rights to the event. As most of us are petty and would only include matches to punish our direct enemies, an annual Rumble was included so nobody felt left out.
James C had won the honor of his faction hosting Fuck the Fans this year, but in an unheard of turn of events, The BOOM Gang gambled their rights away and lost them to Matt Carlos, Joe DeSoul and Lara Frazier [ The Lost Treasures].
The Treasures have made no friends when it comes to match-making. They’ve created some interesting bouts, including forcing the New F’n Dawgs to exemplify the dog-eat-dog world of Hoodslam.
Cereal Man v Jaguar Montoya w/Special Referee Joey Gonzo
Jaguar Montoya and Joey Gonzo had thought that they had found a mentor in Cereal Man, but it turns out he was never there for them in their eyes. Perhaps a point proven when he admitted he didn’t know who was who among them. Jaguar feels further slighted as he is of a feline persuasion, and being a New Dawg is confusing for him in marketing purposes. Joey Gonzo, though sympathetic with his shared plight, is hurt that neither Jaguar or Cereal Man ever asked him how he felt. Now, the Lost Treasures have made them confront all these feelings and Mega New F’N Power Dawgs implode.
The Lost Treasures didn’t stop there, though. They further explored their depths of retribution by pitting two of their recent enemies against each other in an iconoclastic bout. The CAUTION and Stoner Brothers had long been their rivals in the Tag division, and as Tag Team Champions they’ve had more than a few run ins with both. Adding Lara Fraziers disdain for Vipress and the general antagonizing demeaner of James C, a most cruel conclusion arose.
Anton Voorhees/DARK Sheik/Vipress v. Scott Stoner/Rick Stoner/James C – Whoever is pinned must join the other faction
This has led to some questions. DARK Sheik has recently abandoned her team, and James C may be too injured to compete. What fate awaits these two force?
Not forgetting about themselves, The Lost Treasures did magnanimously decide that they would defend their Intergalactic Tag Team Championship. But they didn’t say which two of them would do it. In fact, since they book the show, they don’t really have to play fair and pick only two at all. That said…
The EMO HEADS v The Lost Treasures v Da Squaaad – Intergalactic Tag Team Championship
We are aware that the state of Alpha Zo is in question after he was assaulted by the EMO Heads at Lonely Are the Hunted. This gives two teams a potential numbers advantage. But, the Lost Treasures are the ones who make the rules, and the only ones who truly know the game. What are they up to, yknow?
Sawyer Wreck defending the Best Athlete in the East Bay Award Double Golden Fannypacks Championship against someone, maybe
It’s been floated around. We’ll see what lands.
The 20ish* ENTITY Royal Rumble of Ranking Ramifications
The annual event returns, with the winner promised a match against Vipress at 11/3/23 in her first official defense of the Golden GiG. The match starts with two random competitors in the ring. Every 90 seconds-3minutes, depending on the spot, another entrant enters the ring. Competitors are eliminated by being thrown over the top rope and both feet hitting the floor [in the case of Hop Daddy, elimination occurs when one foot makes contact, as described under the pretext of Harry’s Law]. When one is left standing, a winner is declared.
Usually it’s 30 people, but like 10 of us died between March and July. And it’s rude to bring it up, so don’t.
Fuck the Fans 2023 is October 6th, live on the godamn streets of Oakland, in conjunction with the Oakland Metro Operahouse, and available for live streaming with a FITE+ monthly subscription on FITE TV.
In one of the wildest encounters of all time – not just wrestling, but all time – Brutal Rob Hands was able to free Brooke Havok and Daniel Torch from the clutches of FBE.
The Federal Bureau of EMOstigations hoped to convince Emo Rob to join their counseling, and brought up the convertedly normal Brookyln and Dathaniel as evidence. D-Torch would scream through the therapy, revealing he was only pretending – and he screamed for Rob Hands to FIGHT.
The FBE sent its top men, and they engaged the 6’7 314lb emotional monster with synchronized dance combat. Brutal Rob tried to mosh his way, through, guided by Papa Roach, but FBE detective 2 quickly subdued him and attempted to compromise him to a permanent end. FBE detective 1 protested, but detective 2 is a loose cannon, and she went rogue.
Brooke Havok would then arise from her slumber, and shake of the shackles of normalcy to remember her EMO Queen self. She quickly found a guitar, and showed the agents the power of EMO by shredding face. Unfortunately(?), it was too strong, and the FBE members heads exploded. Vigilante agent FBE detective 2 was seen bleeding but scurrying away, and FBE detective 1 revealed that he ACTUALLY was moved by the music. The case was closed, the EMOHEADS reunited and Brooke Havok killed 3 people.
HOWEVER, her story was not yet done. She returned later in the evening to challenge ANYONE on the roster and it was answered by the debuting Sawyer Wreck! She was scheduled to take on MacDaddy M Y L O, and the MacDaddy made it simple for everyone by coming out too and making it a three way dance.
After much mayhem, Sawyer Wreck stood very tall as the NEW Best Athlete in the East Bay Double Golden Fannypacks Champion.
For recaps and summaries of whats happened and why to like a lot if not most of us. or just look at these pictures and you’ll pretty much get an idea of what we accomplished
We return to Nevada with a double dose of da funk… First, HOODSLAM: Street HIGHbration is on September 16th at the Bluebird!
Then its GLAM: Saved by the Belle *again* at the Bluebird! There’s a bluebird on my shoulder, can i love it?
Featuring Brooke Havok, DARK Sheik, Lara Frazier, Black Swan, The Stoner Brothers, Mighty Myra, Amira, Anton Voorhees, Brittany Wonder and many more making their Hoodslam debuts!
We’re not just dipping in Reno, we’re planting a flag. Welcome to the Slam Empire.
LIVE ON FITE, in coordination with Oakland Metro Operahouse
Hosted by Wonder Dave!
The debuts of Sawyer Wreck and Jonnie Robbie!
DARK Sheik and Vipress reach an ultimatum. Anton Voorhees returns from injury to active combat.
With Brooke Havok and D-Torch arrested for emitting dangerous levels of EMO, Brutal Rob Hands stands alone in this final chapter against the Federal Bureau of EMOstigations.
The Lost Treasures are now in control of Fuck the Fans after defeating the Stoner Brothers in a match for the much glorified prize of booking a show. What announcements do they have for us? How will the BOOM Gang (James C and the Stoner Brothers) react?
M Y L O defends the Best Athlete in the East Bay Golden Fannypacks!
Da Squaaad stands triumphant after Hop Daddy defeated Brittany Wonder for the GLAMpionship. What other cards do they have waiting under their three person six armed shirt sleeve?
Juice Lee will probably be there. Definitely Chupy [el Chupacabra].
Tickets on sale now on eventbrite, watch the show live on fite tv with a FITE+ subscription. There’s links to the left; they’re like totally convenient enough without doing it again in this sentence.
