Hoodslam started the new year off with a big ol bang…
Our host Broseph Joe Brody was interrupted during his introduction by Big in the 20s – the tag team consisting of Brutal Rob Hands and 1920s gangster James C! Balloons dropped as James C, after 9 years, finally celebrates his return to the 20s!
However, he and Broseph Joe Brody soon gone into a verbal spat. The two had done so not long ago, but agreed to be professional. However, tensions were rising to a boiling point here. Oddly, Scott Rick Stoner would disrupt the potential physicality with a message for Brutal Rob Hands.
Scott Rick Stoner of the Stoner Brothers (along with his stoner brother Rick Scott Stoner) has claimed to have gained the super natural ability of seeing doomed visions of whomever makes skin contact with what he calls his “dead zone hand” ever since being drowned by The CAUTION (caution) in the first and only Drowning Match. He was here to tell Brutal Rob Hands that when they recently wrestled he had a vision of Rob Hands jumping off the top rope and breaking his leg – gruesomely. Rick Scott Stoner tried to calm his brother down, but when he saw it was impossible, he left in frustration. Rob Hands also didn’t like the message, and we had our opening contest
- Brutal Rob Hands defeated Scott Rick Stoner, partly due to Scott Ricks own concern for the well being of Brutal Rob Hands
- FunnyBone defeated Richard Shhhnary, Cereal Man and Thicc Martel – worth noting, Richard Shhhnary bolted when the lights flickered, sensing an awful presence. Cereal man would also have his brains eaten by FunnyBone, but then at one point ate his own brains too, and we just don’t really even know where to go from here honestly.
– DARK Sheik asked for Juice Lee to come to the ring. The two are Intergalactic Tag Team Champions after Juice Lee surprisingly stepped up to replace the injured Anton Voorhees, whom along with DARK Sheik make up 2/3rds of The CAUTION (caution). Sheik gave us exposition, saying that this mirrored 2013 when she returned and surprised Juice Lee to become co holders of the Golden Gig. Sheik admitted that when she did it, it was to antagonize Juice Lee, and it didn’t work out so well for her in the end. Thus, she is suspicious of Juice Lee’s intentions, adding that she doesn’t want to fight him or even be around him because he brings out the worst in her.
HBKen of the Whoa Whoa Dojo (which is led by Sensei Joey Nuggs) interjected himself in the mix, saying that these two should stop fighting, and instead join the Whoa Whoa Dojo, even offering to teach his haduken to the two! Da Squaaad then came to the ring as well – which was pretty crowded at this point – and demanded a rematch against DARK Sheik and Juice Lee for the Intergalactic Tag Team Titles. HBKen would make a deal – without consulting his soon to be partners – that if Da Squaaad can beat the three of them, they will get a shot down the line. If DARK Sheik and Juice Lee can work together and prove victorious he would give them waived membership dues for the first month they are part of the Whoa Whoa Dojo.
3. Hip Hop Harry, Kenny K and Shakira Spears defeated HBKen, Juice Lee and DARK Sheik – The lights once again flickered, then went all out. When they returned, Sweet Boone was in the ring alone with DARK Sheik. Weeks ago, Sheik had asked Boone to join her after Anton Voorhees was injured, to no response. Since Richard Shhhnary killed Sweet Boones dog Bernie Jr (or lil BJ), Boone has been a lot less Sweet – appearing from nowhere to terrorize Richard Shhhnary and also to attack Hoodslammers at random! This was no different, as Boone laid out DARK Sheik, leaving her and others utterly baffled.
– Steven Tresario then addressed the audience, saying that he was frustrated after 6 years of wrestling he wasn’t even on the 1st show of 2020. He lamented over being passed by, his lack of title opportunities and the 4 partners who turned on him in the Hoodslam ring. However, he said that he accepted his own flaws. And that he wanted to do something different. He offered “his mistakes” to anyone in the back – specifically those at Stoner U who felt lost or misguided. He said that he would offer them to please come and learn from his mistakes and that in 2020 they could start their own little collective. ( a schism, if you will)
– Handsome Devil Anthony Butabi would then join the commentary team, and after a very sultry entrance, did pretty damn good the rest of the night.
4. Mexican Werewolf El Chupacabra defeated Jorel Nelson to remain the Beast Who Holds the Golden Gig and stay atop mount Hoodslam. It was uh DOOZY.
- Rick Scott Stoner came to the ring. As Broseph Joe Brody would learn, he wasn’t there to talk about his brother, or the comments of Steven Tresario. He was there to fight. Drugz Bunny answered his silent call.
5. Drugz Bunny defeated Rick Scott Stoner. Ricky would get Drugz baked. Drugz got Ricky high af on blow. In the end, the blow took the greater toll on the system of Rick Scott Stoner. There’s a lesson there folks.
6. D-Rogue defeated Johnny Drinko Butabi and the defending former Golden Fannypack holder Hidden Gem Matt Carlos to become the new Best Athlete in the East Bay Golden Fannypack Champion. Chaos reigned, but Da Squaaad would prove victorious, adding to the already impressive accolades of the dr of ogue. Post match, Broseph would mention that this was Johnny Butabi using that title opportunity he had won in December – much to the surprise and dismay of Johnny himself! He claimed that this was never stated as such, and was a separate battle unrelated. Heated he was, and even his brother Anthony was not able to calm him down. However, it was and it sticks.