What the hell happened last night? It was complete Fanarchy, rioting and chaos. The Oakland Metro was a packed sweaty mess for the proving ground that is Hoodslam! We saw the return of announcer Ike Burner and wrestler BatManuel, and the satanic Courtney Crimson! We crowned a winner for the Skydreamer Miracle eXstacy Cup! We had an Iron Lung Match! We have even new contenders for the Best Athlete in the East Bay!
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The Skydreamer Miracle eXstacy Cup has a new champion! El Chupacabra will be tripping balls for months with the amount of eXstacy that he won in several hard fought battles. First he defeated the hero of Highrule, Link in a match that utilized the Highlander sword and a treasure chest full of bombs. But nothing short of the supernatural could stop El Chupacabra from throwing Link off the top rope to advance in the tournament.
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Johnathon Butabi was also out to show the world that sober living and DDP Yoga will help you party all night! Even though The Brian Kendrick was a psychotic crazy man and should probably be placed in Arkham Asylam after the assault on Butabi last night. Somehow, after every effort in a brutal match, Butabi was able to defeat The Brian Kendrick with a Roxbury Bomb into a pile of glitter!
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Butabi would go on to face El Chupacabra in the finals in a match that was treacherous, breathtaking and bloody! El Chupacabra had his new baby mama- Courtney Crimson escorting him to the ring. We leave our F’n kids at home for hoodslam, even if they are demonspawn terror babies! Neither a broken nose or the Butabi brothers devious tactics would stop the “Mexican Werewolf” El Chupacabra from his goal of staying high on eXstacy as he crushed Butabi into the mat with an Adios front flip piledriver; and won the respect of everyone in the Oakland Metro!
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