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Hoodslam: Battle Royal of Supremacy (August 1, 2014) Results

Hoodslam: Battle Royal of Supremacy Friday, August 1, 2014 Oakland Metro Opera House Oakland, CA Paid attendance: 870

On this night, the Hoodslam Band was known as Semen and Buttfunkle. Live commentary by “Broseph” Joe Brody (WWE Tough Enough’s A.J. Kirsch) and “The Knight of the Roxbury” Jonathan Butabi.

1. A same-sex marriage presided over by Funnybone was interrupted by Zangief. Soon after, Doc Atrocity made the following ten-person tag team match: the team of Funnybone, Drugz Bunny, “Ultragirl” Brittany Wonder, and the Stoner Brothers (Rick-Scott and Scott-Rick, with Coach Joey Nuggs and “Waterboy” Bobby Burgerhands) def. “The Russian Lover” Zangief, “Super Barrio Brother” Jesus Cruz, the Best Athlete in the East Bay F.O.N.G. (F*cking Obese Nerdy Gamer), P.O.N.G. (Pissed Off Nerdy Gamer) and Player 2 P.O.N.G. when Funnybone hit a double-stomp off the top rope onto a crowd-surfing Zangief. Funnybone, who is really an ordained minister, completed the ceremony, and the two were legally married.

2. Top of the Skydreamers Miracle eXstasy Cup round-robin tournament match: Virgil Flynn III def. El Chupacabra with a pair of 450 splashes.

3. Top of the Skydreamers Miracle eXstasy Cup round-robin tournament match: Link def. “The Knight of the Roxbury” Anthony Butabi with the Rupee Cutter.

4. Four-way match for the Golden Gig: Juiced Lee (champion) def. Ken, Cereal Man, and “Laser Focused” Famous B when Lee hit a top-rope moonsault on Ken to retain the Golden Gig.

5. Top of the Skydreamers Miracle eXstasy Cup round-robin tournament match: James C. (with Stony Montana) def. DARK Sheik with the Gang Bang Piledriver.

6. Interspecies Wrestling King of Crazy Championship match: “Dirty Daddy” Chris Dickinson (champion) def. “The Patron Saint of Filth” Christina von Eerie with a standing splash mountain bomb to retain the Interspecies Wrestling King of Crazy Championship.

7. THE Brian Kendrick def. Ryu with an inside cradle on Ryu and Butternuts.

8. MAIN EVENT – Battle Royal of Supremacy (over-the-top-rope battle royal – the winner controls everything about Hoodslam’s biggest show of the fall, “F*ck the Fans V” on Friday, October 3 at the Oakland Metro Opera House): “Broseph” Joe Brody def. Doc Atrocity, Referee Guido, Botchy the Clown, Rick-Scott Stoner, Scott-Rick Stoner, Prince Ali Hussein, Funnybone, Drugz Bunny, “Ultragirl” Brittany Wonder, Link, and “Waterboy” Bobby Burgerhands and Cereal Man.

To see this and previous shows in their entirety, check out www.SmartMarkVideo.com/Hoodslam Hoodslam runs at the Oakland Metro Opera House every first Friday of the month and will return on Friday, September 5 for “Fanarchy Rulz.” Hoodslam will debut in San Francisco on Saturday, August 23 at Z-Space.

Hoodslam is a 21+ event. DON’T BRING YOUR F*CKING KIDS! Follow Hoodslam on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube, all @Hoodslam. www.BirdsWillFall.com

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Hoodslam Hangover

Our FTFanclub members show this past Sunday was an epic event of athletic skill and drunken mayhem.

  • Johnathon Butabi defeated Dark Sheik after Referee Humperstink stopped the match declaring a TKO

  • Stoner University (Stoner Bros. & Coach Joey Nuggs) defeated Charlie Chaplin and the Suburban Commandos by pinfall

  • Referee Humperstink was ejected by F.O.N.G. (Fucking Obese Nerdy Gamer) & Bobby BurgerHands defeated the Peanut Butter Jelly banana after interference by the mysterious Oscar Myer Frankenwiener.

  • “Streetfighter” Ken defeated “Legend of Zelda” Link with a “shoryuken” attack

  • Anthony Butabi & Missy High-as-shit defeated “Ultragirl” Brittany Wonder & “Super Barrio Brother” Jesus Cruz in a match that spilled out onto the streets of San Pablo Ave.

  • The day ended with a birthday cake emblazoned with a picture of Dark Sheik’s chest hair.

These special events are only for FTFanclub members, so head over to the merchandise page and join in time for our next Victory Warehouse event.