FTF has ended, and with it another chapter in the accidental phenomenons year of our GiG 2023. FTFallout as it wreaks chaos on the strained relations between Hoodslammers, and the factions left in disarray.
A challenger is set for Golden GiG on 11/3. How will they and currently She Who Holds the Golden GiG Vipress cross paths?
The CAUTION and Boom Gang faced off in a match where the person pinned joins the other faction at FTF. Aurora Obscura, we see the ramifications.
After the collision that was Jaguar Montoya taking on Cereal Man with referee Joey Gonzo, will there be anything left of the New F’n Dawgz?
And now that the Lost Treasures [Matt Carlos, Joe DeSoul and Lara Frazier] no longer hold the fate of Hoodslam in their hands, how will they proceed? And will the roster forgive them for their moment of control and what they did with it?
Aurora Obscura, an unclear dawn… a dark beginning… and the first stop on the road to Entertania 13!
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The first match announced is a never before seen match up! Straight from the Baldurs Gate 3 meme, its…
“Mastermold, Motherbrain, IronSlut” DARK Sheik v “Matriarch of Mayhem // Not Your Babe” Sawyer Wreck
The event will be hosted and commentated by Veda Scott and Broseph Joe Brody!
A match to determine a number one contender for the Best Athlete in the EastBay Double Golden Fannypacks Award Championship, participants to be announced on @hoodslam socials/birdswillfall.com
If they survive hoodslam until then, featuring performers from:
Anton Voorhees
da Squaad: Kenny K, Hop Daddy
The Stoner Brothers
EMO HEADS: Brooke Havok, Brutal Emo Rob Hands, D-Torch
It’s been a difficult path to the 11th annual Fuck the Fans [our apologies to 2020 and 2021]. The first one took place on 10/10/2010 and was seen as the turning point in this humble companys existence. It was on this day that we realized what it truly meant to Fuck the Fans.
Traditionally, the winner of August Battle Royal of Supremacy would gain booking rights to the event. As most of us are petty and would only include matches to punish our direct enemies, an annual Rumble was included so nobody felt left out.
James C had won the honor of his faction hosting Fuck the Fans this year, but in an unheard of turn of events, The BOOM Gang gambled their rights away and lost them to Matt Carlos, Joe DeSoul and Lara Frazier [ The Lost Treasures].
The Treasures have made no friends when it comes to match-making. They’ve created some interesting bouts, including forcing the New F’n Dawgs to exemplify the dog-eat-dog world of Hoodslam.
Cereal Man v Jaguar Montoya w/Special Referee Joey Gonzo
Jaguar Montoya and Joey Gonzo had thought that they had found a mentor in Cereal Man, but it turns out he was never there for them in their eyes. Perhaps a point proven when he admitted he didn’t know who was who among them. Jaguar feels further slighted as he is of a feline persuasion, and being a New Dawg is confusing for him in marketing purposes. Joey Gonzo, though sympathetic with his shared plight, is hurt that neither Jaguar or Cereal Man ever asked him how he felt. Now, the Lost Treasures have made them confront all these feelings and Mega New F’N Power Dawgs implode.
The Lost Treasures didn’t stop there, though. They further explored their depths of retribution by pitting two of their recent enemies against each other in an iconoclastic bout. The CAUTION and Stoner Brothers had long been their rivals in the Tag division, and as Tag Team Champions they’ve had more than a few run ins with both. Adding Lara Fraziers disdain for Vipress and the general antagonizing demeaner of James C, a most cruel conclusion arose.
Anton Voorhees/DARK Sheik/Vipress v. Scott Stoner/Rick Stoner/James C – Whoever is pinned must join the other faction
This has led to some questions. DARK Sheik has recently abandoned her team, and James C may be too injured to compete. What fate awaits these two force?
Not forgetting about themselves, The Lost Treasures did magnanimously decide that they would defend their Intergalactic Tag Team Championship. But they didn’t say which two of them would do it. In fact, since they book the show, they don’t really have to play fair and pick only two at all. That said…
The EMO HEADS v The Lost Treasures v Da Squaaad – Intergalactic Tag Team Championship
We are aware that the state of Alpha Zo is in question after he was assaulted by the EMO Heads at Lonely Are the Hunted. This gives two teams a potential numbers advantage. But, the Lost Treasures are the ones who make the rules, and the only ones who truly know the game. What are they up to, yknow?
Sawyer Wreck defending the Best Athlete in the East Bay Award Double Golden Fannypacks Championship against someone, maybe
It’s been floated around. We’ll see what lands.
The 20ish* ENTITY Royal Rumble of Ranking Ramifications
The annual event returns, with the winner promised a match against Vipress at 11/3/23 in her first official defense of the Golden GiG. The match starts with two random competitors in the ring. Every 90 seconds-3minutes, depending on the spot, another entrant enters the ring. Competitors are eliminated by being thrown over the top rope and both feet hitting the floor [in the case of Hop Daddy, elimination occurs when one foot makes contact, as described under the pretext of Harry’s Law]. When one is left standing, a winner is declared.
Usually it’s 30 people, but like 10 of us died between March and July. And it’s rude to bring it up, so don’t.
Fuck the Fans 2023 is October 6th, live on the godamn streets of Oakland, in conjunction with the Oakland Metro Operahouse, and available for live streaming with a FITE+ monthly subscription on FITE TV.
Oakland, CA – Lonely Are the Hunted from Oakland Continental Club
Hosted by Veda Scott and Wonder Dave! Referees Wiggles and Domino
Hop Daddy defeated Joe DeSoul to retain the GLAMpionship after interference from DA Squaaad
It was announced that at FTF the Lost Treasures will put their Tag Titles on the line against the EMO Heads and DA Squaaa
Alpha Zo defeated Juice Lee. After the match, the EMO HEADS Brooke Havok, Rob Hands and D-Torch came to the ring and attacked Alpha Zo of Da Squaaad. Reports say he may not make it to FTF due to the injuries sustained.
Brooke Havok and D-Torch fought Vipress and Anton Voorhees to a no contest after the Stoner Brothers and James C interfered. Apparently, Ref Domino doesn’t know we don’t do disqualifications [except for that thing with the baby and that thing with the aliens]. The BOOM Gang would leave their FTF opponents bruised and battered, and inflicted a little pain on the EMO Heads too, for good measure.
At FTF, Vipress/Anton and the absent DARK Sheik represent The CAUTION (CAUTION) in a battle against The BOOM Gang members Scott Stoner, Ricky Stoner and James C: whoever is pinned must join the other faction!
El Chupacabra with OKAMI defeated Richard Shhhnary and Kenny K of Da Squaaad in a triple threat match.
Mighty Mayra and MacDaddy MYLO defeated the Stoner Brothers after the EMO Heads AND The CAUTION interfered, devastating the twin terrors with an arsenal of anguish before they succumbed to the synchronized savant stylings of Macdaddy M Y L O and Mighty Mayra.
James C and EMO Rob Hands fought to a no contest when the EMO Heads, BOOM Gang and The CAUTION again all intruded upon affairs. The theme of the party was chaos, and after dispatching of the dubied duo of Stoner Bros, all 5 present members of both factions [Brooke, Rob, Torch, Anton, ‘press] all delivered a combined pile driver to James C. His participation in FTF is now seen as unlikely as well.
hey go watch it on fite+ at fite tv fite fite fite fiteftieiteiteifieifieritietiefietieti
Oakland, CA – PSYCHOPHORIA from Oakland Metro Operahouse x The Godamn Street
Hosted by BART-Man and Wonder Dave!
Featuring exclusively referee Domino
Johnnie Robbie defeated Cereal Man – post match, Jaguar Montoya of the New F’n Dawgz proclaimed that he was a Jaguar and didn’t want to be a dawg. Cereal Man aloofly protested – apparently more out of curtesy than emotional investment, as he confused both members Jaguar Montoya and Rey Kaiju Joey Gonzo with each other, and others.
DARK Sheik, Anton Voorhees and Vipress defeated James C, Ricky Stoner and Scotty Stoner. The CAUTION would arrive arguing, DARK Sheik saying that she was the glue of this team, and without her there was no team [she said it a lot ruder]. Before Vipress and Anton could retort, the BOOM Gang emerged.
James C told the stoner brothers he was upset with how they lost his prize of controlling FTF in a gamble vs the Lost Treasures at the previous event. However, he was more upset with Anton Voorhees. Anton had been providing commentary at the event while recovering from a knee injury, and caused a distraction (and mess) that cost the BOOM Gang the match.
Anton would be able to win by feigning an injury and catching James C by surprise. Post match, DARK Sheik would state that as the last living Golden Gig Champion, she should be now, and that Vipress should give her the GiG. Vipress has carried the GiG since 7/7 AMERICAN SCREAM, when she used it to cut the throat of the fallen angel Shemihaza [ who had taken it from PONG after cutting his throat].
Vipress would not giver Sheik the GiG, and Sheik said this partnership was over.
Juice Lee and El Chupacabra was declared a no contest after an invader attacked both wrestlers. Standing at 7 feet tall, he claimed to have seen Hoodslam’s battle with The Fallen and the many losses suffered. He saw Hoodslam as a fragile place to be conquered, but Juice Lee and El Chupacabra would combine forces to eject the invader from the ring.
The invader would find this comforting in a way, and rescinded his insult, seeing that Hoodslam was still a strong peoples. He offered his hand to both, which Juice Lee accepted. Before Chupacabra could accept, Juice Lee would attack the invaders knee from behind and – once lowered to his level – Juice Lee snapped his neck.
Sawyer Wreck defeated Brooke Havok and MacDaddy M Y L O to win the Best Athlete in the East Bay Golden Fannypacks Championship
The Lost Treasures Matt Carlos, Joe DeSoul and Lara Frazier came to the ring to announce matches for the show they control, 10/6/23 Fuck the Fans 12 or 14 or something. They announced these two:
Cereal Man v. Jaguar Montoya with Referee Joey Gonzo
The CAUTION v The BOOM Gang – whoever is pinned must join the other group
Before they could announce a 3rd match, Da Squaaad interrupted and requested a match of their own, against the Lost Treasures, for the Intergalactic Tag Team Champions. The trio obliged, but decided to do it then and not 10/6.
Lara Frazier, Matt Carlos and Joe DeSoul defeated Kenny K, Hop Daddy and Alpha Zo to retain the Intergalactic Tag Team Championship
go pay fite tv 6 bucks or something and you can watch all our shows live/on demand with fite+, do it a lot, just put on hoodslam for your pets when you’re at work, get ten screens with 10 logins and watch 10 hoodslams
In one of the wildest encounters of all time – not just wrestling, but all time – Brutal Rob Hands was able to free Brooke Havok and Daniel Torch from the clutches of FBE.
The Federal Bureau of EMOstigations hoped to convince Emo Rob to join their counseling, and brought up the convertedly normal Brookyln and Dathaniel as evidence. D-Torch would scream through the therapy, revealing he was only pretending – and he screamed for Rob Hands to FIGHT.
The FBE sent its top men, and they engaged the 6’7 314lb emotional monster with synchronized dance combat. Brutal Rob tried to mosh his way, through, guided by Papa Roach, but FBE detective 2 quickly subdued him and attempted to compromise him to a permanent end. FBE detective 1 protested, but detective 2 is a loose cannon, and she went rogue.
Brooke Havok would then arise from her slumber, and shake of the shackles of normalcy to remember her EMO Queen self. She quickly found a guitar, and showed the agents the power of EMO by shredding face. Unfortunately(?), it was too strong, and the FBE members heads exploded. Vigilante agent FBE detective 2 was seen bleeding but scurrying away, and FBE detective 1 revealed that he ACTUALLY was moved by the music. The case was closed, the EMOHEADS reunited and Brooke Havok killed 3 people.
HOWEVER, her story was not yet done. She returned later in the evening to challenge ANYONE on the roster and it was answered by the debuting Sawyer Wreck! She was scheduled to take on MacDaddy M Y L O, and the MacDaddy made it simple for everyone by coming out too and making it a three way dance.
After much mayhem, Sawyer Wreck stood very tall as the NEW Best Athlete in the East Bay Double Golden Fannypacks Champion.
For recaps and summaries of whats happened and why to like a lot if not most of us. or just look at these pictures and you’ll pretty much get an idea of what we accomplished
We return to Nevada with a double dose of da funk… First, HOODSLAM: Street HIGHbration is on September 16th at the Bluebird!
Then its GLAM: Saved by the Belle *again* at the Bluebird! There’s a bluebird on my shoulder, can i love it?
Featuring Brooke Havok, DARK Sheik, Lara Frazier, Black Swan, The Stoner Brothers, Mighty Myra, Amira, Anton Voorhees, Brittany Wonder and many more making their Hoodslam debuts!
We’re not just dipping in Reno, we’re planting a flag. Welcome to the Slam Empire.
